Why so serious??

Murphy's Law

2009-07-28T15:00:00.000-07:00

Right now life seems to be a live implementation of Murphy's law. For those uninitiated,Murphy's law states:

'If anything can go wrong, it will'

Now from all the corollaries I have read (and there are quite a few) I haven't come across one that draws an analogy with Cricket. So here is my contribution (which of course is very close to what it feels like being Jayesh Nachnani right now)

It is like I have just dropped a sitter (a very easy catch in cricketing lingo). The commentators already describe this feeling (of dropping an easy catch) - 'Wouldn't he want to dig a hole in the ground and bury himself??' But this is not where it stops. I am still in a position to run the batsman out. I go for a direct hit. I miss. The backup fielder misses it. And the ball goes to the boundary. 4 overthrows plus the 1 run that the batsmen ran. And of course this just happened to be the last ball of the match with the batting side requiring 5 runs to win. (I know, I know)

However, life must go on.

PS: There is also this small matter of it being a World Cup Final...

Updates

2009-07-10T11:29:00.000-07:00

This post aims (yeah the once meaningless posts now have 'AIMS') at capturing the essence of a typical conversation that 2 guys may have when one of them has

1) gone to Africa,to discover himself (amongst wild animals?? it must be said )
2) Travelled onsite
3) Is pursuing his Phd etc so that he can reinvent the wheel

The conversations that happened everyday (the 2 guys are thick, not like thick in the head but gehre jigri dost,'more like family' types) now happen fortnightly or once in a month/2 months.

Disclaimer: This a typical conversation that may happen and any resemblance that it may have to any such ACTUAL conversation is purely coincidental.

Person B = Is the static person,bole to,he hasnt yet had the calling to find himself etc.. i.e he is... you know...static
Person A = The one who has travelled to greener pastures recently
(I myself have been both A and B)

Person B is the one who calls or initiates the chat in this case. The abusing bit varies between chat and phone because maybe people dont abuse so much while chatting in case they have given their password to their girlfriend (I think it is a stupid stupid thing to do....arey koi itna paagal kaise ho sakta hai to bloody share their password:D) who is nosy enough to
a) Check the chats
b) And keep checking the chat for live updates :)

In a telephonic conversation abuses are a must :)

But other than that there wouldn't be a lot of difference between whether it is on phone or by chatting..

No wait, if the conversation is on phone AND it is because of 1) above (travelling to Africa...) it would help to imagine lion cubs mewing in the background (what else would they do.... bark??) ... you know just to get a feel of it...If the guy is chatting he is probably also listening to bhajans to remind him of his homeland... :D

Person B: Hi
Person A: Hi, you all right? (or other such fake local phrases that he has recently picked up)
Person B: Kamine angrezi band kar aur matrbhaasha me bol
Person A: (even though his ego has taken a beating but kya karen...jigri dost hai... bol sakta hai...) Haan bol saale
Person B: Ek bad news hai yaar
Person A: (Lion cubs stop mewing) kya hua
Person B: Wo bandi thi na... (*some name*)..
Person A: kaun?
Person B: *Describes something that immediately rings a bell*
Person A: Arey haan haan wo... bol na kya hua
Person B: Arey uski engagement ho gayi yaar...
Person A: Kya baat kar raha hai?? Par chod naa yaar, apne queue me aur bhi to bahut waiting hai (Pats himself for being a good consoler)
Person B: I loved her yaar
Person A: (doesnt pick it up immediately, ye to aisa nahi tha, but who knows, mahine - do me kuch bhi ho sakta hai) Saale kitni bandiyon ke baare me aise bolega?
Person B: Chal chod naa yaar jaane de (acting all I-am-really-hurt-but-what-do-you-care), tu bata maje kar raha hai??
Person A: Nahi yaar, bahut kaam hai {or in case of our 'discover himself' guy - Nahi yaar, suar (pig pig, angrezi me Pig) ke pille bahut pareshaan karte hain}
Person B: Weekends ko kya karta hai??
Person A: Last weekend cricket khela, yahaan ground book kiya, its amazing yaar, we played on a actual pitch with whole kit, pads helmet included, bahut maza aaya
Person B: Acha(a bit of a pause),haan me bhi jab US me tha tab (realises that you are not very likely to play cricket in the US)... football khelte the hum...haan football....
(Its OKAY, anybody is bound to be jealous :D If you are an Indian guy and like cricket... this is the definition of having fun... other than superficial things like going to singles clubs and other such...anyway more on that later...)
Person A: Tu weekends pe kya karta hai?? Movies to band ho gayi maine suna... kuch strike chal raha hai
Person B: Haan yaar, par apna kya hai bakar to hota hi rehta hai...kabhi saturday lunch par chale jaate hain apan sab log, kabhi trek, swimming kiya kaafi ye summer...
Person A: Lunch?? Apni dinners ka kya hua??
Person B: Recession hai saale, Daaru ke liye paise nahi hain
Person A: Itna bura hai kya situation? Sabki naukri to salamat hai??
Person B: Ab tak to apan me se sab okay hain....par aage ka pata nahi...
Person A: .....

Dekh kya rahe ho... poore ghante bhar ka conversation padhne ka time hai kya?? Baaki kaafi cheeze personal and confidential category me aati hain...

Agli baar tak ke liye ijaazat deejiye.... namaskar....

Just another day...

2009-07-05T00:44:00.000-07:00

This is my big comeback post and I hope all of you are dissapointed

Bus Tickets - 2£
Hair Cut - 5£ (Female hair stylist)
Movie - 10£
Shopping - 20£
Having Dosa all saturday (Including a Sri Lankan restaurant) - Priceless

Happy Birthday Asiya :)

2009-01-05T18:15:00.000-08:00

Since I have known her from 5Th grade, hope it serves as a (re)collection of memories.

She has always been caught between the devil(s) (Read T-tymers) and the deep blue sea i.e having tea with us or her REAL FRIENDS (Project partners). Most of the time (of late), she has made the wise choice (of having tea with us) even though Saar and I don't know Java aur humlog winter me 'spring' nahi seekh sakte (yeah Ghuhan's joke :D)

She is really funny when she wants to be, at other times she is busy telling people not to abuse Vinu :)
I have rarely seen her get very angry.She always has a smile on her face, intelligent, creative but above all simple and straight forward. It is often said that simplicity is the nature of great souls.Bole to (based upon the recent survey conducted by t-tymers about girls) passive aggressive bilkul nahi hai :D (T-tymers have now come to the conclusion that this is very rare in case of girls :D) She has been instrumental in popularising the T-tymers aphorism that "there are no absolute colours". All colours are relative like brinjalish yellow and carroty green. She is one of the very few amongst us (I think the wonly one) who has managed to keep a work-life balance throughout (work life). Kaash ye raaz mujhe pehle bataya hota :)

Here are a few pics where she and (having accepted the fact that we will never be her) REAL friends won prizes for tattoo making, best from waste and Rangoli. There is a funny bit when she asked me about what the rangoli meant but that is not mentioned because it is embarrassing (not as bad as some of you might start imagining though :D)

Finally, nakhre to bahut hain :D Has only attended 2 parties. That too only when Vinu returned from deputation and (well) deportation. But will always contribute to us partying (aise sant kahaan milte hain aaj kal jo itne niswarth hote hain:D )
Overall bole to basically she is a saint from all saints (high school)
I hope to get an exhaustive list of Asiya a.k.a's (incl chiti and words that cannot be pronounced ) in the comments which would serve as an ideal Birthday gift :)
Wish you a very happy (**)Birthday (The asterisks indicate a hidden code for age)

माणुस मेला का जिवंत कसा ओलाखाय्चा

2008-12-30T18:03:00.000-08:00

In keeping with the tradition of this blog of having guest writers for new year posts and also encouraging budding writers of different genres and languages here is an article by the wone n wonly Shardul Pradhan.*Applause*
This my attempt at an image makeover after being called बेरकी(mischievous with a straight face is the closest English translation I could grasp) आणि आघव(One who back answers arrogantly)

परवा अद्याच्या room वर गेलेलो . तिथे त्याच्या खोलीत त्यानी भिंतीवर चिकातावालेली (college मधे असताना ..) चित्र ,photos होते. आणि काही circuit diagrams , काही formulae असा बराच काही काहीहोता.. मग मी श्रीला म्हंटला हे बघ काय...ते diagrams अजुन भिंतीवर तसेच होते.. म्हंटला हा .. हे common emitter circuit.. आणखी काय हे h-parameters.. मग वाटला हे इथेच आहे कधी पासून .. म्हणजे अगदी आपला result लागला तेव्हा , पुढे मी cognizant join केला तेव्हा ... मी तिकडे office मधे मरून मरून रात्री काढल्या तेव्हा .. मला चाकू दाखवून mobile घेतला तेव्हा आणि मला promotion मिळाला नाही तेव्हाही .. किंवा हाच कधी बंगलोरला (जे बेंगलुरु ज़ाला आहे तेव्हाही) .. त्याच्या keyboard वर tunes बनवत असेल तेव्हाही.. तसाच होता, तसाच आहे ... Aafrica,australiatlya गुहेत बर्याच म्हणजे हजारो वर्षा पूर्वी आदिवास्यान्नी आपल्या हाताचे ठसे बनवले आहेत, चित्र काढली आहेत . शिकार कर्तानाची.. कित्येक वर्षा ती तशीच आहेत उन , वारा , पाउस.. नंतर पिरामिड जाले ,greece italitale राजप्रसाद जाले ..नंतर पडले ज़दले ..hitler येउन गेला .. तरी हे असेच ..मग आपण विचार करतो की हा हे आदिवासी आपले आयुष्य असा चित्रित करत असावेत . पण ज्या वेळेला ही चित्र काढली त्यावेळी का काढली असतील ? म्हणजे आपण आपले तर्क करत बसायचे आणि असेल भलतेच ..म्हणजे ह्यानी diagram काढली असतील त्यावेलेला अशीच काढली असतील .. मी पण त्यावेळी बघितले त्यावेलेला म्हणला असिन.. की हा चांगलाच अभ्यास चालला आहे वगैरे.. आणि आता ...?म्हणजे माणुस जे काही करतो ते नंतर तिरहितानी भविष्यात पाहिला .. तर त्याचा अर्थ काहीतरी वेगालाच... किंवा मी आज जे करतोय तेच जर मी नंतर बघितला तर . माजा मीच वेगला अर्थ काढणार ...पण ठसे ठेवायची हाउस काय पुरी होत नाही ..हीनी सांगितला की लिही की blog.. मग म्हणालो लिहावा ..पण हे काय विचार ? म्हणजे सुतावरून स्वर्ग. Actually सुतावरून स्वर्ग म्हणजे काय तर पूर्वी म्हणे कोणीतरी सांगितला माणुस मेला का जिवंत कसा ओलाखाय्चा तर नाकाच्या समोर सूत धरायचा . हल्ला तर जिवंत नाहीतर राम नाम सत्य हैं ..हाहाहा पण मग कालात इतक्या मागे का जायला होता..? म्हणजे असा म्हणतात की प्रकाशाच्या वेग सगळ्यात जास्त म्हणजे 3*108 m/s.. याच्यापेक्षा वेगात काही नाहीच.. जर प्रकाश पेक्षा जास्त वेगात गेलात तर time travels back... म्हंटला चांगले आहे .. मग आत्ता प्रकाशाच्या वेग कमी होतोय .. आणि याचा वेग भलताच वाढला आहे..जे निर्माण व्हायच्या आधी पण आयुष्यभर पुरणार आहे त्याचा वेग जास्तच नाही का ?

May God bless all in the new year 2009.

The Golden Rule

2008-12-26T20:33:00.000-08:00

It was a pleasant surprise when Shantanu (my ex-boss) gifted me with a few golden euro coins after he returned from his germany trip (or pleasure trip shall we say :D).The thing here is him to have remembered that I collect currency especially when (albeit very long back) I remember having wronged him atleast once (bigtime).Hope all is forgiven :) I think for him to have remembered this especailly now, when he isnt my boss (for more than a year now) demonstrates what is known as 'The Golden rule'. Given my recent philosophical bent,here is a link which shows how all faiths are unanimous when it comes to following the Golden Rule.
http://www.religioustolerance.org/reciproc.htm
It is fun (now) to remember the ADS and BGSQA days that marked our tough initiation to the corporate world.Having now understood how business works (though I still don't like it),I would say Shantanu played a very important part in bailing the project out (there was no way out but to work late nights and on weekends).
Coming back to the Golden Rule, I think trying to follow it will be a perfect new year resolution, atleast for me. (My last resolution was a super success:D).And putting it on the blog would mean people can remind me of it when they think I am not following it :)
Yeah I know mera blog thoda senti ho riya hai... but it is that part of the year :)

Looking back...

2008-12-19T22:59:00.000-08:00

It is a cool winter morning and I thought it would be nice to look back and relive the good times and realise how life and God have been very kind to me. It may come across as a very self indulgent or 'full of myself' post and it may have been better of to write it in a diary. But I choose to write it here so that it is always there and I can comeback and read and add on to it whenever I want to.(yeah that's right, I may loose the diary :))

I think idyllic would be a nice word to describe my childhood. We weren't very well off. But we had a lot of 'simple joys'. A good example would be when we tried to buy a camera, we went to quite a few shops to compare the brands and the price etc. So it was quite an occasion, our family trying to buy a camera. Today spending a few hundreds or a few thousands doesn't seem to have the same meaning.

We never got transferred so I stayed in the same place and school throughout. Before that though I had the good fortune of being in 2 all girl schools :D (the pre-nursery to preparatory phase here they didn't have gender discrimination :D). Staying at the same place also meant that I have had the good fortune of having a lot of friends who I have now known for more than 15 years.

My parents just let me be as far as studies and extra curricular activities were concerned. I do not recall being asked to do this or that in this regard even once. And I have come to believe (after closely observing a lot of people) that this is the way to go as far as parenting is concerned.I consider myself to be blessed because I have had some wonderful teachers throughout,especially in school.

Summer vacations meant playing cricket and staying at my cousins' place :) Cricket was a lot of fun. We played everywhere from grounds to street corners and (occasionally) at a friends place with tennis, leather or plastic balls. We had our share of breaking glasses and being shouted at, gamesmanship and sportsmanship (I believe they are opposites) and fights and rivalries.

I was shy and I was quite thin. I ate less then and I still have a restricted vegetarian diet. People tell me that I don't live enough because I hardly eat, don't drink or smoke and I don't party wildly :) I'd say everyone should have the right to choose how they intend to lead their lives.

Sibling rivalry was restricted to clothes. My mom decided to buy us the same set of clothes, (different sizes of course). That was quite a while back though and I have never had good dressing sense of my own since :D

My mom used to tell me stories from the panchatantra, aesop's fables and chandamama. I hope I have imbibed the morals from those stories. Ever since I can recall I loved books and I have always been inquisitive.

Outing meant visiting my maternal grandmother (nani). She was one of the most loving and giving persons I have ever come across. She would always be praying and reading holy books.
Outing also meant visiting the nearby zoo. I didn't have a pet till I was 18. And Adam wasn't the conventional pet. You could call him a domesticated street cat who chose to have his breakfast, lunch and dinner at our place. The loser that he was, he never learnt how to hunt because everything was provided for and it was funny seeing him try to chase a rat down (he couldn't do it :D)

I used to collect stamps and foreign currency. I still have the collection. The exchanging bit was fun where I tried to 'convince' others about how rare or valuable my stamp or coin was and how in turn I was 'fooled' by others (in the same way).

I wasn't very good on stage, elocution and debates and the like. That is something that I think I have worked at and would like to believe that I have improved at.

Television meant only Doordarshan but I do recall watching serials like 'Stories from the Bible', 'Alif Laila', Ramayana and the Mahabharata with keen interest. Television since then has changed and now I watch sports on television only.

I used to pray everyday. And it pains me to realise that I am not so regular now. I think the following verse summarises my predicament "Where is there a wretch so wicked and loathsome as I? I have forsaken my Master, so faithless have I been" Interestingly the prayer that my dad had taught me was to ask God to make me virtuous(righteous) and never to trouble anyone. Something I don't think has gone according to plan :)

Above all I think I was loved. Parents, relatives, friends. I am deeply indebted and I wish I can give back at least as much as I have received, I do not intend to stay a debtor in this regard.

Seems a coincidence that I just received a message from Saaraunsh saying "Nothing lasts forever, so live it up, laugh it out, take chances and never regret". Seems to be a perfect way to end...

Art, its interpretation and a bit of philosophy

2008-12-17T08:25:00.000-08:00

This conversation happened quite a while back. Vinu sends me his favourite painting
Vinu: Ok, this might seem like sarcasm from a person like me,nevertheless…What do you think about this painting?

Me: Yeah okay I am not the art(sy) type :D I mean I don’t have aesthetic sense,clearly I should take a course in art appreciation :D But here is what I get,they are obviously a couple,there is a mirror behind, they probably don’t have kids,the girl has taken her sandals off,there is a dog. I'am sorry I don’t know :(
Vinu: Very good.Now go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arnolfini_Portrait and enjoy :)
Me: Got this right :D "The little dog symbolizes fidelity,[7] or can be seen as an emblem of lust, signifying the couple's desire to have a child." This also will go into my blog…I think my response to the painting for anybody who knows art will be hilarious :D
Vinu: Hehehehe
Me: No this is what I meant about art and its interpretation… the little dog symbolizes fidelity OR lust… fidelity=lust???…will never make sense to me
Vinu: Lust need not mean infidelity.But I do see how it looks funny :D

Obviously I was a bit restrained in letting him know all I had thought of (using my colourful imagination) because I was considerate enough to see that it was his favourite painting :D But my point is how am I supposed to know that "the cherries on the tree outside the window MAY symbolise love. The oranges which lie on the window sill and chest MAY symbolize the purity and innocence that reigned in the Garden of Eden before the Fall of Man" ??

Likewise with philosophy. My purpose of writing this post is to figure out whether other human beings face similar issues when trying to understand art or philosophy or is it just me :D Talking of philosophy though, I really like Henry David Thoreau's ideas and thoughts. It's like whenever I come across a quote I like, I find it attributed to him. I cannot help but feel that he had life figured out. No wonder (I think) his philosophy influenced the political thoughts and actions of Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. I intend to read Walden and understand it :D

Bitterness, positive anger and indifference

2008-12-09T08:27:00.000-08:00

Many thanks to our very own IISc superstars (Mario and Onkar) for inviting me over for a philosophical discussion.This is just a very small (and perhaps misleading) part of the actual conversation.
Onkar : Bitterness is when you ask "How can this happen (to me/to others)?" (What we chose to call) Positive anger is when you ask "Why is this happening (to me/to others)?"
Mario : People may also feel indifferent. A good example is that of heavy rains. The rain may not be a big problem for most of us who have a house (some of us may even want to get wet in it for FUN), but it is a serious problem for those living on the street.
Me : I dropped the jam on my shirt AGAIN.
PS: Okay the jam thing didn't actually happen. It is there just so that I am allowed to keep my blog title. These are days when it has become difficult to maintain a sense of reality and a sense of humour simultaneously.

Living in troubled times

2008-11-27T07:40:00.000-08:00

Apologies if you think what follows is incoherent. Apologies also because its not going to be my usual post.

A couple of replies from people I have religious philosophy discussions with:

--> "What you sow, so shall you reap ! Here are some interesting statistics :

Worldwide : Number of abortions per year: Approximately 42 Million

Number of abortions per day: Approximately 115,000

People are mindlessly killing innocent unborn kids ( thinking they have no life ). Somehow no one seems to be talking about such a huge number of killings each day."

-->"Today's terror attack only tells us what religion has given to the whole world ! Religion and terrorism are no different. Both stand for brainwashing. Both stand for dividing and conquering people. Both stand for taking reason away from people. Both stand as a tool to rule the minds of people.You don't have to agree it. Thats my opinion. "

It is not very difficult to figure out that we live in troubled times. The Song celestial; or,the Bhagabad-gîtâ describes this time as "when righteousness declines or when wickedness is strong"

I say goodbye to my mom. I don't know whether this is my final goodbye. Just as well that I work in a building that could be the next soft target was terror to strike my city.

At the office - Business as usual, casual conversations, the blame game. People discuss how exchange rates and the recession would affect them. Maybe lives are not as important. Or maybe those lives donot belong to people they know.

More than anything else, it is a time of reflection and trying to do as much GOOD as you can NOW. Because that is the only thing I can think of when I realise that my time is limited.

Speaking in Hindi/ Hindi me Vartalap

2008-11-25T08:22:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: Please do not feel offended. This is meant to be a funny take on how one language can never be completely (and relevantly) be translated into another. Each language has its own peculiarities.

Subi (Subhashini :D) is learning hindi.Now Hindi, infact is the only subject I have flunked in (apart from not quite managing to bell the CAT, because of poor english :D).Basically apna language ka bahut problem(i wont call it संकट here.. in typical Mumbaiya hindi... LAFDA) hai :(

हाँ तो अपना लैंगुएज याने की भाषा का बहुत लफडा है!

I can forsee quite a few problems when I try to converse only in Hindi. I have this habit of saying cool alot.Yeah I know thanda, but that is cold, what is hindi for cool? I mean you say cool when you think something is awesome.. cool job, cool shirt. Believe me you dont want to use thanda here.

Anyway,(कोई भी रास्ता?) actual conversation (वास्तविक वार्तालाप):
(Brackets (कोष्ठक?) indicate (सूचित) hindi equivalent (समानक))

Subi: par ek problem(संकट here??) hai

Me : Boliye

Subi:Mujhe soch soch ke bolna padta hai, me bahut zyada bolti hoon na

Me: Hindi me hi socho aur hindi me hi bolo

Subi: nahi na,mein english mein soch rahi hoon our phir translate (Anuvad or ITS GETTING ON MY NERVES??) kar rahi hoon uske baad type (what the???) kar rahi hoon english mein to 5 sentences(Vakya) bol sakthi par hindi mein usi waqt mein sirf ek ya do

Me: koshish subi koshish aur abhyas

Subi: jee haan, karoongi hindi ke baad punjabi :)
Its great that Subi can still(in this day and age)learn Hindi and a billion other things for the sake of love :) आज कल कौन ऐसा मिलता है...

Jaane Kyun…

2008-11-19T18:48:00.000-08:00

Dil jaanta hai
TU HAI TO
I’ll be alright

For a person who likes writing and talking, I find myself at a strange loss of words here. So I'll just dedicate this song to my mom.

Modesty

2008-10-20T21:21:00.000-07:00

I was with a friend at a bookstore. At the counter, when we were about to pay up, Mario noticed a female buying a book of 'MIND BENDING PUZZLES'. He politely asked her whether he could just have a look. The female gave him the book and asked whether he was just going to have a look.
Me:(never short of a smart ass comment) : Yeah he probably just needs to look at em to solve them. He went to IISc,Bangalore.
(This reminds me of a scene from Good Will Hunting, where one of Will's friend says 'My boy is wicked smart' :D But it doesn't completely fit in the context here)
Mario gave me the look at this point of time but I pretended to look elsewhere.
A bit of background here. For all the guys I have met who think they are God's gift to the world, Mario is someone I think is truly modest. I mean who gets a 99.8 percentile in GATE in third year engineering and doesn't even casually mention it in conversations :D (I would do it all the time :D) To top it he gave it once more in final year to IMPROVE UPON a 99.8 percentile :D (and got the same score :D)
So anyway, back to the conversation.
Mario:(a bit embarrassed) No he is just...em.. um..I..
The female: Which branch?
Mario: No just...I..
Me: NANOTECHNOLOGY *And a nod*
The female: Then you probably don't need this.
But Mario makes it a point to note down the name of the book.
Outside, Mario tells me that this was completely uncalled for :D
Mario, this was the only way I could add another intellectual to my blog readers list :D

Autobiographies/Biographies

2008-10-12T21:23:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This is a one-off post :D Please keep the condolence messages coming in (for me having given up writing :D)

Naa, I honestly cannot write as frequently as I did earlier because I get bored of stuff very fast. There is always something else that I can try and fail (equally miserably) at :D
I think I want to churn out quality work - Aamir Khan ishtyle (like Mangal Pandey :D). So I'll post once a week - 10 days. Request you all to please please check every Sunday and post comments :D

I realise that all play and no work can make my readers dull :D So this is a slightly more informative post if you like.
I know autobiographies can be, well people talking about themselves, blah blah... To borrow a Seinfeld line (for athletes) "I was doing push-ups since I was a foetus...." But most of them are frank and accept their shortcomings and failures no matter how successful they have been.
So here is a list of my favourite autobiographies/biographies:
- Lance Armstrong - It's not about the bike. Truly inspirational and honest. He does mention that he was a bum at one point in time and wanted to just give up. Leave out the bike/race details if you find them boring.But the rest of it is definitely worth reading.
- Lance Armstrong - Every second counts
- Pele's autobiography - Has this line in the introduction "The number one rule in sport as in life is to know how to loose. Because in sport as in life there are defeats and there are victories.

- Monkey Business: Swinging Through the Wall Street Jungle
- Ian Chapell - Chapelli speaks out. One of the most successful Aussie captains of all time and a very frank gentleman echoed by his statement " This is what I am. If you like me, that's fine, and if you don't there are a few other people I can have beer with.
- Gary Kasparov - How Life Imitates Chess - I have not read all of it (didn't have the money to buy it :D). But the champion chess player has quite a few insights about life and success.
- Anne Frank - Diary of a young girl. I think this is one of the best autobiographical accounts ever.
- Adolf Hitler - Mein Kampf. It is a must read because of the wrong reasons but he had amazing insights into human nature and how poverty can make man a beast.
- Lee Iacocca - An autobiography. Here he talks about himself and Henry Ford and tells us "Don't get mad, get even". He also has a second book but that I didn't like as much.
- John Nash's story - A beautiful mind.
- Steve Waugh - Out of my comfort zone. Honest account of his cricketing career.
- Andrew Flintoff - Being Freddie.
- Kevin Peterson - Crossing the boundary. The guy really comes across as cocky and arrogant but what the hell, he is cricket's next superstar.
- Steve Job's story - Icon.

Shivya, If you have managed to read the whole post, I know you are now repenting. You are probably thinking "Why did I have to ask him about autobiographies??" :D
I have added you and Neilina to my blog roll. I don't get a lot of hits but ishtill.

I think I should now start advertising my blog as the one stop shop for all the links of intelligent female bloggers :D

A visit to the library and blogging less frequently

2008-10-05T20:58:00.000-07:00

Now you expect people who are members of a library to be educated. I mean surely they would be able to put a book back where they had picked it up from (not disturbing the alphabetical order).

I went to a library to become a member again. Slight difference between this and membership renewal because I was a member a couple of years back, gave up the membership as I started having 16 hour long workdays, and now back.

So while at the library, I couldn't find a book (that had not been issued and therefore must be SOMEWHERE in the library) for 2 hours. I looked for it in the entire fiction and humour section,one book at a time.I asked the librarian and she said that the only explanation was that somebody must have picked it up and MAY have kept it SOMEWHERE else in the library. Now that is like keeping your microwave in your bedroom. I mean you cannot keep a humour/fiction book in the dentistry section :D

Also, there was something wrong with the search software. Something like a batch process had to be run to get it in order. I was rude enough to ask the librarian whether this keeps happening frequently. My explanation for this is that I am a typical Sindhi and parting with money, even if it was for annual membership of a library, could make me downright cranky. I really liked the librarian's answer though. She said yeah it keeps happening everywhere all the time. Sometime back it had happened at Heathrow airport and everything had to be done with pen and paper.

On the blogging front I think I will post a little less frequently. It takes up a lot of my free time and my God knows that I do not have a lot of free time. Also, a lot of people read it and don't comment :) Besides, reading has always been my first love, so to speak and blogging leaves little or no time for reading. Now that I am a member of the library, I have already got my hands on 3 sports autobiographies :) Also, it is said that if at first you don't succeed, (at writing a good blog) try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

To my regular readers, thank you and sorry if I have been rude and mean. Do keep visiting though for the occasional post. As for me, I will probably go back to doing stand-up (and hopefully won't get kicked out from there). I personally feel writing is just a part of the stand-up thing. Stand-up has the adrenaline rush, the long pause, voice modulation, making faces etc.

Small bit of advice (as always :D). Whatever happens, do not forget to smile. God bless.

Talented 10

2008-10-02T22:23:00.000-07:00

There are a few additions to my High 5! list here:

- There is Sanket, doing his masters in Georgia Tech, also proves that my blog is global.
- The one and only Bhavana (Thank you so much, means a lot to me :))
- ‘HER’ – I don’t think the suspense of hiding your identity is working though :(
- THE Richa: Naam hi kaafi hai. Shakespeare once wrote ‘What’s in a name?’ Quite obviously that doesn’t apply to Richa.
- Me: I read my blog repeatedly just like Sachin watched his own 1995-96 videotapes when he was a bit out of form. I know, how narcissistic can we all get?? :D

In other news, Vinu lost the Sheer Khurma eating competition (miserably) to Saar. (Saar hope you will now be a regular reader :D). The scoreline was 17-8. Vinu, if it is any consolation, (but I think it is no consolation, in fact it maybe negative consolation, if there is such a thing) you ‘won over me’ as opposed to ‘won me over’ (but that and many more gay jokes later: D).

Thank you so much Asiya for inviting us over.Do not recall having so much fun in recent times :)

Trobleshooting tips

2008-10-01T22:09:00.000-07:00

The sinking feeling of never being able to do serious writing has overwhelmed me (cool sentence naa ?:D). You know, like David Dhawan never being able to make an art film. (For my international readers David Dhawan is a Bollywood filmmaker who is known for his comedy movies).

I like how these art film makers use imagery to draw parallels, say things in a subtle way, like using a bumpy road to depict life etc. So I want to try this new style, new genre of writing and see how I suck at it (more than usual).

It is my observation that the same problems crop up repeatedly regardless of the user, the model (of the bike or PC) or the OS version (in case of a PC). Similarly, there are a few common problems (troubles) that most of us encounter along this journey of life, at different points in time.

Troubleshooting tips:

1) Shut down and restart: It is funny how system or network administrators will tell you to shut down and restart even when you know that the trouble is with your mouse pad. However, from the little I know, in life, whenever you are angry, or tired, or sad, or overworked, it always helps to switch off, take time off. Go out with friends, on a vacation, shoplift (yeah some people get their kicks by doing weird things :D). And then begin afresh.

2) Check network connections: Some of the troubles in life maybe because we are in the wrong company. The story is told of Karna, the tragic hero of the Mahabharata (and my favourite character) who in spite of being generous,devoted to his duty (dharma),truthful in speech, engaged in penances, observant of vows, kind even unto foes,was vanquished only because he was in the wrong company.

3) Too many windows open at the same time: Although this maybe a design fault of the windows OS, in life, it may help at times to deal with one thing at a time rather than being overwhelmed with numerous tasks.So pay your phone bill first and then fight with your partner (in a long distance relationship) over the phone :D

4) Carburettor me kachra: When your Carburettor is dirty, you may want to clean it with some carburetter cleaner. In life I would say this would be similar to negative thoughts. Personally I think you won't go anywhere in life if you are not positive.

5) Printer not loading paper: Not being open to new ideas.

Well, these were just a few things that did pop up in my head.I think I will continue this list, as and when I can think of something else.
Today is Gandhi Jayanti. It could have been the 5Th consecutive time that I would have spent a public holiday in office (starting with May 1st). I think I sure need some time off :D. Well, smoking has been banned in public places(including offices) from today. And it is about time that I give it up too.

Baba's Photographs

2008-09-29T20:07:00.000-07:00

It has been my constant endeavour to add beauty to this blog. And although I have failed miserably (and repeatedly) to do so with my writing, here are a few of Baba's photographs that are truly beautiful.

Baba a.k.a. Sourabh is called 'Baba' because he comes up with amazing one liners (at the right time) that tend to have deep meaning. His most famous line is "Ye sab moh-maya hai" (All this is but the snare of worldly illusion, infatuation). He is sometimes accused of being Pakhundi or Dhongi baba (roughly translated means con man or swindler :D) but I am sure that is because people are jealous of his insights about the world and human nature and his celebrity status within our gang :D

PS: Please visit http://picasaweb.google.com/sourabh.m.joshi/Tikona_20Sept_08 for all the photographs

High 5!

2008-09-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

It gives me great pleasure to inform you all that there are now 5 regular non-paid readers *claps and whistles* of this blog. Non-paid as in I do not pay them to read it *looks of genuine admiration in the crowd* So lets hear it for (in no particular order) Aditi, Vinu, Subi, Dinu and Priti *thunderous applause* Since this kind of readership and popularity really matters a lot to me, I will try to be as rude and mean and cheap going forward as I have been in my first 20 posts. Thank you all very much for your continued support *Bows down to acknowledge standing ovation*

Initial Conversation

2008-09-28T03:15:00.000-07:00

I think the initial conversation (the very first) between a guy and a girl, who just look at each other and know that this could be something special, should be something like:

Guy: Sooo.... boyfriend??
Girl: No
Guy: Coffee?
Girl: Yeah

Too bad it rarely happens in the real world :(

Commentators

2008-09-28T02:54:00.000-07:00

I like how some cricket commentators, having played little or no international cricket themselves pass judgement on players of the class of Sachin Tendulkar or Rahul Dravid. "Well you know they aren't what they used to be, their reflexes have slowed, their mind is not in it" etc. I would love to hear them comment on their own careers. It would go like "Well you know, I played half a test match and then (in a softer voice) the selectors didn't let me play. But in the inning in which I did play, I scored 3 runs, 1 of them was a scampered single in which I almost ran my partner out, I just dropped 3 catches and failed to hit the stumps (by more than a mile) on numerous occasions.

Extending this to people who are judges on reality shows, those who comment on whether or not a person has singing, dancing or acting talent, I think judging somebody else's talent requires a great deal of responsibility and is to be done with a lot of caution. But what I notice is people who lifted songs or GOT INSPIRED by them few years ago or people who are now purely out of work (ex-celebs as I call them) telling participants something like "You can't sing". And it is often done with such finality that it may cause the participant to loose complete confidence in himself/herself.

Well this may give you great TRPs but I don't think you can rob somebody of hope (telling him/her that you have absolutely no talent).

Clean Breakups

2008-09-23T21:26:00.000-07:00

Owing to public demand, lot of people asking me how to breakup, here is what not to do in order to ensure a clean breakup. Cryptic I know. So the DON’TS, if you like, when it comes to breakups.

1) Don’t do it in person. No matter what people tell you. Trust me. The shouting, the yelling, it could get physical (in the other sense). If it is a public place, it could really be embarrassing.

2) Don’t do it on your anniversary. I know people like this “I was dating him for exactly 2 years”. But it is best to either do it before the red lettered day or a week after the milestone (yeah I know what about the guys?, we don’t even remember dates :D ). The same applies for birthdays.

3) Don’t do it over the phone. How could you have ever thought of doing it over the phone?

4) Don’t just tell his/her friend that it is over. No, your ex-partner deserves an explanation.

5) Don’t do it over chat or e-mail. What are you a terrible human – being? The same applies to text messages.

6) Okay, DON’T JUST LEAVE AN ORKUT SCRAP saying it is over.

Naa, from the very very little I know, there is never a clean breakup. There is never a good time, or a good place or a way of doing it. One of you is bound to feel hard done by. Personally, I think there is very little in this world that cannot be made to work if you really want it to. But then, relationships work or they don't. Well, what can I say, do it if you have to. But guys, girls a bit of advice. Make sure you GET BACK YOUR STUFF. Whatever it is - books, racquets, (I don't know)blankets?? :D. This also helps because if the person you are breaking up with is smart enough, he/she may then see it coming. Yeah I know I am a terrible terrible human-being. And it is about time you read something nice on this blog. So, although this is completely irrelevant, but because I feel like doing it, here are the lyrics of Forever young. This is my prayer for all of you. God bless.

May God bless and keep you always,

May your wishes all come true,

May you always do for others

And let others do for you.

May you build a ladder to the stars

And climb on every rung,

May you stay forever young,

Forever young, forever young,May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous,

May you grow up to be true,

May you always know the truth

And see the lights surrounding you.

May you always be courageous,

Stand upright and be strong,

May you stay forever young,

Forever young, forever young,May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy,

May your feet always be swift,

May you have a strong foundation

When the winds of changes shift.

May your heart always be joyful,

May your song always be sung,

May you stay forever young,Forever young, forever young,

May you stay forever young.

Bluetooth Handsfree

2008-09-23T20:59:00.000-07:00

I like people using bluetooth handsfree. I mean I like this riddle of figuring out who is being talked to. Whether it is I, the Martians, trees (yes I am aware of people talking to trees, I saw it on Discovery). So much so that those people who do not use bluetooth handsfree, I do not consider them to be interesting conversationalists anymore. There is no mystery about them. Going forward, I will refuse to date any female who doesn’t have bluetooth handsfree.

I saw this HR (Human resource) manager walking towards me saying that we have to decide which of the 500 need to go (GET FIRED, I would think, what with the markets being as they are). I started making a mental list starting with people who do not return smiles or nods, girls who have turned me down, people who don’t allow me to eat their food, people I report to. Well the HR manager just walked by. And now I am just hoping that I am not in HIS LIST :D

PS: When I first heard of this term, I thought of it as a dentist advertising. I leave it to you to figure it out :D

Fainting at the gym

2008-09-21T22:37:00.000-07:00

I realize fainting at the gym is not a feasible proposition. So I never do it. In fact “DON’T FAINT AT THE GYM” is now in my list of “RULES FOR HAPPY LIVING”. This is because when you go to the gym, they make you carry all this stuff- gym shoes (that shouldn’t be worn outside lest they get dirty), deodorants, towels etc. But the gym itself doesn’t have a first aid kit. Sure they have the fire extinguisher in case you burn more calories than usual. But I have never seen a first aid kit at the gym.Well, I think I know what the explanation of the gym management would be for not having a first aid kit. Obviously they think no self-respecting guy would faint:

1) When he is perspiring (has body odour)
2) When there are so many chicks around.

And of course when a chick faints all the guys would spring into action- get water, call the ambulance, get a band-aid from the nearest medical store 3 kilometers away.

PS: For those who didn’t get it. I KNOW fainting is an involuntary activity (yeah I am not that slow) i.e. not under our control. You don’t decide when you faint. And therefore…

Site meters

2008-09-21T22:30:00.000-07:00

I couldn’t help but notice how some bloggers can really get competitive with the readership and the page views thing. Almost as if their site meter is saying to me “Hey, I got 18,000 hits and I have only been here since January.” So what? They aren’t the number of marriage proposals you (the blogger) got now are they? Because then I am sure it would be less than half that number. You can increase the number of hits by visiting your own blog (something that I do) but you cannot propose a marriage to yourself right?

Reminds me of a quote by Jerry Seinfeld: “And why is McDonald’s still counting? This is really insecure, isn’t it? 40 jillion…. Zillion…. Does it mean anything to anybody? 89 billion sold. OKAY. I’ll have ONE.”

Tips for fitting in

2008-09-20T09:05:00.000-07:00

Fitting in is a challenge that everyone faces. You know, we all want to be nice, get along with people. I mean nobody tells somebody studying law how they hate lawyers (at least when they first meet them). Aditi, I am sorry it can be a bit different for dentists (and haven't we seen that happen :D) and my heart goes out to you :D. Yeah dentists always get "how-can-you-be-so-sadistic-as-to-derive-pleasure(and money) out of a tooth extraction?"

Anyway, so this is about a time that I decided to go out with a friend's friends. Yeah I know only 1 person (my immediate friend) from that entire group.The rest of them know each other from school, prison, wherever, I don't care. Yeah I know. Why would I go out with a friend's friends?? I would probably feel left out. Right?? So here are 2 reasons:

1) Sometimes, even I don't have a date *applause*. Although such occasions are few and far between.

2) I DON'T KNOW.

Yeah so anyway, while being introduced, I have a bit of a surname problem. As in people don't get my surname easily. And so (invariably) the dinner starts with a joke on my surname. NOW YOU CAN'T LET ANYBODY GET AWAY WITH A JOKE ON YOUR SURNAME. So I just say 'Nice shirt' (sarcastically of course). And it is amazing how this whole group I am with has this common taste in food,clothes (I want to say shelter ALSO here and it really seems as though some of them live-in or are living off each other).Probably that is why they are a group/gang in the first place (because of their common taste). So they now think it is a compliment whereas I said it to get back at them (I didn't think it was such a nice shirt). Next thing I know they tell me that they all buy clothes together and from the same place .I am now invited over to this MASS CLOTHES BUYING RITUAL.

Naa, I am just kidding. This is probably more a joke on my surname than anything else. THIS DOESN'T BEAR ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANY PARTY I HAVE EVER ATTENDED. To all my friends (and their friends) : LOVE YOU ALL :D

Retail Therapy

2008-09-19T21:01:00.000-07:00

I am sure I will never be able to understand how retail therapy works. You know, buying stuff to overcome poor grades, not getting a job or the right one, getting over your ex-boyfriend. To me, it is the same as buying new shoes just because somebody at the party said that your hairstyle wasn't good. So 2 reasons (both irrational) that I can think of, for buying NEW SHOES when your HAIRSTYLE sucks are:

1) People will notice your shoes instead of your hairstyle. If they still notice the hairstyle you have the option of going in for a nosejob.
2) Now your hairstyle will match your shoes.

To me that makes as much sense as drinking to drown your sorrows or popping a tranquilizer just because somebody said you had put on weight or your make-up wasn't quite right. I do not understand what the world is coming to these days :D

A bag that wasn't liked

2008-09-17T23:20:00.000-07:00

I couldn't come up with a better title because this is what it is about - a bag that was not liked. Treated like an orphan and not carried around.

So anyway, I have a life outside forcing people to comment on my blog and explaining my jokes to them, three times over (on different days) and breathing a sigh of relief when they finally go "Ohhh, so that wasn't sarcasm." A life where I try to buy good birthday gifts.

So what is a good birthday gift for a girl? I know diamonds but hey we all work in the IT industry, synonymous with being poor, salaries lasting for a week, borrowing, stealing to get by. You get the picture.

So it turns out that a bag is the ideal gift. And as luck would have it, 2 guys have to buy it after all the girls have chickened out of this momentous pursuit. So we know who the 2 guys are and lets give the gay jokes that you may be thinking of a break.

Vinu does his research, asks his female friends the ultimate question : "What is a good bag?" Turns out medium-sized, with lot of compartments, not too flashy (if she is a bit conservative), metallic colours are in, not a lot of buckles etc. I try and second this widely accepted view by asking my female friends. So we reach a consensus on the bag that we are looking for. Subsequent to this we move all around pune and get the bag which (according to us) fits all the aforementioned criteria. AND SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT.

Lets not mention her name because she is reading the blog. Also, because its been difficult for me, the last few days after the blog publicity post. Now I know why celebs complain about having no privacy, even walking on the street has been difficult without being mobbed. I wouldn't want the same to happen to her :D

Happy 25th day after your 25th birthday :D

Law of karma

2008-09-16T20:51:00.000-07:00

Recent incidents have led me into writing this, but it is also one of my favourite topics. I have pondered about this at length because I consider myself to be a traveller who has to complete his journey (what I can write philosophically :D). There are various religious philosophies. The one which makes sense to me is the law of Karma (over multiple births and deaths).This is explained in various ways in different faiths, one version being "As you sow, so shall you reap". So every action has an equal and opposite reaction.Some faiths do not believe in multiple births. But I read an analogy by HIS Holiness The Dalai Lama somewhere saying that if you have lost something and try to find it in the same room, you may not find it.It is said that whoever understands this Law of karma, cannot be bewildered under any circumstances.

BUT, in keeping with the title of this blog WE shall not remain serious for long. I just have a small question here. What if a guy commits the SIN of hitting on (which here ONLY means saying that he likes her, and I have never understood why that is such a wrong thing to say to anyone) an already committed (I didn't know it is spelt with a double m) girl (committed aye, not married). What is the exact opposite of that? Will a girl hit on him when he is committed? Is that such a bad thing for the guy ??:D

What does the poor guy do?

2008-09-15T22:49:00.000-07:00

Just a quote first (out of the millions there are) which would also serve as a disclaimer for this post.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

So this is about the things that girls say/ask/do that leaves guys dazed and confused.

1) Do I look fat? - This has got to come first on the list. Another version is "Do I need to reduce weight?" It is as if she won't take no for an answer. If you say no to this one, this will lead to millions of others. "Did I look fat when I wore this dress earlier?", "At that party?", "Ever?". And you sure as hell cant say YES.

2) Do I sing well? Now obviously all girls sing well. Honestly. So how does a guy sound convincing enough?

3) Does that (other) girl look cute? Now what is that supposed to mean? It is obvious to both of you that the other girl is cute. But the guy can't say it.

4) Do you like this? Now she has asked you. Do you like this dress, these shoes, that bag? Now you can't read her mind. But 99 times out of a hundred, if you say YES, she won't like it, if you say no, she will definitely buy it.

5) You should go. OR I want you to go. You know , go on the vacation alone, go out with the guys etc. How does that in any language mean NO, DON'T GO.I mean are we in a competition here of saying exactly the opposite of what we mean? Then why should you object to me being sarcastic?

6) We are moving too fast. Now the guy is really in love with her. I mean which self respecting guy would ask the girl about which bike should he buy. And then be accused of moving too fast. I mean this is what the guy thinks when you say we are moving too fast.

7) Lets not fight anymore. The guy wouldn't know what hit him sometime later.

8) We need to talk. What does the guy think? Well, he is happy. Obviously, WE haven't talked for a week, much less gone out. This is the "reigniting the flame" bit for him. This poor guy doesn't know that he is in for the shock of his life.

9) and.. YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE.

To end, well this bit is obviously copy-pasted (sorry guys, but I want more female readership,if it helps, atleast this bit isnt original, I didn't write it).

"Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them … it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitably consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart."

Vinu's sketches

2008-09-14T20:32:00.000-07:00

With the intention of adding some beauty to this blog (so that it doesn't ONLY contain my cheap humour) here are a couple of Vinu's sketches. They are the best I have ever come across and I really think Vinu is a genius when it comes to this.

Vinu, be gracious enough to make a few sketches that I can pawn off as my own. While doing that, remember that I was (once upon a time) a guy who couldn't draw a straight line, given a drafter :D

It takes all kinds to make a world

2008-09-12T22:24:00.000-07:00

Ever thought about people who perennially look morose? Wondered how their lives are? What books do they read? Whether they watch movies? How do they celebrate birthdays? How do they behave on a date? Whether they say the right things?

Like smiling costs them. Like showing a little enthusiasm will kill them. What are they thinking? Lets not be too optimistic now, the comet that is millions of light years away will be hitting the earth soon. Or hey, what if there is an earthquake? What if a cat breaks into my house today and drinks all the milk? Where will she pee? Lets not listen to good music. No, not because it may harm the eardrum but because there cannot be anything good without side effects.

So what do we have to do today? Just ensure that our shoulders are drooped, pay no attention to our appearance, look at someone who cracks a joke as though he is giving a sermon and then GO HOME.

I am not talking about people who have experienced a recent tragedy but about those who choose to live this way.

Now ask yourself the same questions (as mentioned in the first paragraph) for people who wear wigs (how do they break-up? Is it because their partners found out?), people who don’t return calls/mails/messages (what if two of the same species marry?, what about their kids?), people who have never watched a sitcom (no, not one single episode), pedantic people (Looking for comments :D)

For those who fall in the above categories AND are reading this post, please read my first post, my ‘ABOUT ME’. If that were not enough here is what Vinu, our only regular reader has to say about me.

“Give a neat, real, original introduction dude. Like how you don't like it when people don't laugh at your jokes. And how you really, really don't like it when people laugh at the wrong ones. And how it's really a*#l when people pretend to get the joke when you're being serious :D I think you can just post your testimonials here :P ”

We are all here to see if we can share a laugh. Honestly, no offense meant.

So this is my version of dark humour. Obviously I know someone has got a problem and I am not being overly sensitive. I can’t go any farther than this (as far as dark humour is concerned), because then I would risk losing my reputation of being the nice guy (reputation with females that is). Not that it ever helps being the nice guy. But still :)

Of Meetings and alerts

2008-09-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

The world is full of alerts these days. Cell-phone alerts,birthday alerts,outlook alerts (those using Linux wouldn't know what they are missing).There is this clock alert too that guys have. Jayesh, look 8 o'clock. But more on that some other time.

Quite frankly I feel a bit ill at ease if I don't get 20 alerts (does that sound important enough?) a day. Gives me the feeling that, well, I am not alert enough.I think there will be a day when your social status would be linked to the number of alerts you get in a day. Yeah that will be one more number that you will have to lie about to get a date :) (No, the phone number isn't one such number. You lie about your phone number AFTER the date doesn't go well).

Yeah so anyway I was saying that I feel a bit insecure if i do not get enough number of alerts. Am I not attending enough meetings? Conference calls? (Whether I am doing less actual work shall we say :D)

So these official alerts lead to meetings. Ideally these meetings should just be for a couple of minutes. Are we comfortable hitting the deadline? To which I say "Yeah, sure". Now it is very obvious here that I am being sarcastic. But we move onto other hypothetical assumptions. So you complete the coding by Friday. 'WE' will test it over the weekend. To which I feel like saying "Don't you trust my coding anymore??". But I realise its just work not a marraige. Lets not bring up TRUST issues here. Then after the talk of (hypothetically) deploying the code (which in an ideal world will happen 2 months from now), we move on to bigger issues. How we are doing as a team. Where is the verical heading in the next 12 months.The organisation, competition, industry as a whole. You get the picture. So after a couple of hours I come back to my desk.
Anyway, I am getting a birthday celebration alert right now. Catch you guys later :D

PS: Another interesting thing that I did today was read about a research that links understanding sarcasm to your intelligence. Nothing, just thought of mentioning it coz you guys may wanna look it up :D

Blog Publicity

2008-09-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it.
Try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
-- Lenny Bruce

So I have been blogging for a week now and it’s been like a movie that doesn’t do well at the box-office in its first week. Not enough number of hits, the blog is not in the top 10 blogs of all time, the writing, as I see it, is all but on the wall.

So here are a few methods I have already employed/will employ to popularize my blog:

1) I come across my brother’s friend after quite some time. She asks me how’s my bro doing. To which I reply by saying that I have started writing a blog. Obviously, she previously thought that I was quite normal. So there is some amount of feigning interest in my blog. I remember that she is forgetful. So I take her phone number, and message her the blog link. God, I think to myself, you just can’t be careful enough with these things.
2) I promise people I will mention them in my blog if they read it. So then if they don’t read it, they won’t get the pleasure of seeing their name mentioned on a popular web page.
3) I make the blog racist/sexist/populist.
4) I buy a laptop so that I can… No wait that was for a different reason.
5) I try rhyming my blog with words mentioned in conversation. A friend of mine (already overworked) says that he is slogging like hell. To which I choose to reply by saying “ You know what rhymes with slog? My Blog”. Or when a female friend of mine says “ Oh that dog is cute”, I thank her for finding my blog cute.
6) I contemplate publishing advertisements in newspapers like Pune-Mirror or Mid-day. But I realize that these only have local distribution. I want my blog to be truly global.
7) I try to play around with google’s paging algorithm that I had read in The Google story so that google shows my blog in more of its results. I do this till a voice in my head says to me “ Jayesh, beta (hindi not greek) who are we kidding here?”
8) Consider moving to wordpress. Somehow I think that is where the action is these days. Also, consider writing a mail to blogger asking them to pay me (I don’t know what is a decent sum) to stay at blogger.
9) So we get really desperate. We meaning also the girl who comes up to me and tries to strike up an initial conversation (Surprisingly, this happens a lot to me these days). I think it didn’t go well because she wanted to talk about my biceps and I always kept mentioning my blog.
10) Ask Shahrukh Khan to write a guest post on the blog. This is because of the well-proven fact that “Only sex and SRK sell”.

So beware people, I am willing to stoop to any level to popularize my blog. Writing seems to be my cocaine right now (Ye dhaapa hua hai). I have done a lot of other dope like excess work, reading, movies, listening to the same song a million times. So hits or no hits, comments or no comments, I have no intention of giving it up right now.

PS: Should mention Vinu here for the quote by Lenny Bruce and the cocaine thing.

Thanks Vinu :)

Random observations

2008-09-07T09:37:00.000-07:00

This post contains a few of my random observations. How things are and how I think they should be. Of course I have a weird way of looking at the world :)

1) What went wrong with the keyboard or the typewriter? I mean why don’t they teach us qwert in school then?? Its like teaching kids two different sets of alphabets. What are we learning Japanese now?
2) I think chlorophyll, the green thing in the leaves should be black, because the books that teach you about chlorophyll will also teach you that a perfectly black body absorbs all light incident on it, but I think that will make a mockery of various phrases. The Grass is green on the other side :). Haryali is also a term in bird-watching :) The rub of the green? I think that’s why we have black hair, and bald men are hot headed.
3) I think the word plastic shouldn’t have come into existence.Never mind the material. I mean if you have to say that I carried the vegetables in the Polyvinyl Chloride or Poly(methyl methacrylate) bag I would rather carry it in my hands.
4) I don’t think lipstick should have existed. I think all male and female problems would have come to an end there. Which lipstick goes with what dress?? And it wouldn’t be on your cheeks.
5) Why would dry fruits be so expensive?? Expensive than regular fruits? Much like dry cleaning costs you more than the clothes. But we live in a world where Dhoni is more expensive than Sachin.
6) I don’t think a sedentary life style should cause diabetes. Does going to the gym cause amnesia? There is absolutely no correlation there.
7) Bank withdrawal forms seem to be more about testing your linguistic skills (both Hindi and English). It seems to me as though the banks wouldn't give you your own money if they aren't convinced of your basic linguistic skills. But they will try their best to sell you a housing loan even if you never went to school.
8) I think the HR round while recruiting people should be an elimination round :) Its an alliance that the company enters with us. Much like a marriage actually.We are called associates. Why not figure out our likes and dislikes, see how greedy I am, see if we are comapatible and then have the technical round.
Here is how it would go :
So Jayesh, tell us about your hobbies.
Well, I like passing on confidential information of the company I am working for to its competitors :)
9) I like the way people congratulate other people getting engaged and when they are about to get married etc. I find it amazing. I mean don’t they know the track record that marriage has as an institution ? It is the opposite of happiness in some dictionaries. Iits like congratulating somebody when hes on a deathbed. I mean does the doctor say congratulations…you have cancer?

Humour and happiness

2008-09-07T03:41:00.000-07:00

"I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it."-- Frank A. Clark

This is a slightly more researched post if you like, a bit different from the usual nonsense that I write :)
I am trying to correlate humour and happiness and trying to see what comes out of it.

Happiness as we know means different things to different people. But there is a difference in having a bit of fun, a spurt of laughter or generally looking forward to (lets say) a promotion, the World Cup (cricket or soccer) or to your next trip. When you are truly happy (as today’s newspaper says :)) a feeling of peace and contentment pervade your being and there is a song in your heart, a spring in your step and a glow in your eyes.

Logically then, if happiness is thus a state of being (rather than something temporary) happy people would tend to have a certain amount of balance in their lives. Most happy people would therefore tend to have long and meaningful relationships, have a certain amount of job satisfaction, and be friendlier and healthier than those who aren’t very happy with their lot in life. Also there is this slightly urban phenomenon of boredom I see emerging. Boredom is not quite the opposite of happiness but its not far from being one. (As in you are unhappy if you are bored). This as I see it stems from the fact that "Hey I think I am doing well at work, but I dont seem to have a social life" or vice-versa.

So where does humour fit in you might ask? Well there has been a lot written about humour and laughter enabling you to stay young and healthy (and therefore happy. As in I wouldn't be thrilled if I start aging early or keep falling ill :)). Here I choose to stick to a few medical technical (or technical medical) details (and this is not because Aditi reads my blog or because my mom thinks that I could have easily become a Doc). Laughing instructs the brain to release endorphins into the blood stream. An endorphin is a chemical that has a similar composition to morphine and heroin, and has a tranquilizing effect on the body while, at the same time building the immune system. This explains why happy people rarely get sick and those that are unhappy often seem to fall ill. I also read somewhere that those who have trouble laughing at life often turn to drugs, alcohol or sex to achieve the same feeling. However, this seems to me as an oversimplified view to me at this point in time. Laughter (and therefore humour) anaesthetizes the body, builds the immune system, defends against illness and disease, aids memory and extends life. After laughter, the pulse rate steadies, breathing deepens, arteries dilate and muscles relax.

Saying that happy people necessarily have a good sense of humour would be making too much of a generalization and probably not true in most cases. People could be very content and satisfied or be living in a fool’s paradise without having a sense of humour. Things get interesting when you try to analyze the converse. I personally feel (and I may be wrong) that those who have a good sense of humour tend to be happy people :) Looking at it in another way -- if you are unhappy/sad/depressed you are less likely even to laugh at something really funny (let alone crack a few of your own jokes).

In my humble opinion (and because there is no universal SOLUTION to being happy) we ought to develop what I call a slightly comical attitude towards life—to be able to laugh at yourself, your foibles, try to be a little less serious and uptight about life. A lot was achieved before you were born. We could put our lives in perspective.
I am not saying you shouldn’t go ahead and build the time machine or the gadget, which will make us invisible. But realize that in such a cause you are bound to face failures and the best way to overcome them is (as the first line says) to try to find some humour in them. Interestingly, I read somewhere – Shahrukh Khan when asked about who would replace him (or be his successor) said that it would have to be someone who is hardworking, has a good work ethic and has a sense of humour about himself and about life. He went on to say that if you don’t have a sense of humour, you wont succeed.

This of course is easier said than done and maybe really difficult to do in cases of a sudden loss of a close one or a life threatening disease. However, as the great George Carlin once said “The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.” Also it is said "A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs—jolted by every pebble in the road." Again I think those who have a sense of humour are more at peace with themselves (unless all you do is pass sarcastic comments on others and feel that’s being humourous) and more accepting of the vicissitudes of life than the rest.

Will end by another quote (allegedly) by George Carlin “Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.” And by this I don’t mean join a laughter club :) (I personally think that’s a bit plastic).

Ideal education

2008-08-30T05:41:00.000-07:00

People debate a lot about what should the education pattern be (ideally), what should we actually learn in school. There is a lot of debate over the issue. I just thought what it would be for me…. as in what should really be taught in school which would really help me in life…
After my mind drew a blank for an hour…some ideas started creeping in..

1) I really regret the fact that I am not a good athlete. Essentially running (for your life and otherwise) should be made compulsory. You require running in a lot of real life situations. Running for your life, running from situations, running from home (to get married or otherwise) etc
2) Self-defense – karate/Taekwondo. You say "hi haa choo"… and the thief runs away… you just hav to say it really…and a lot of people just miss out just because they cant pronounce the words properly.
3) Flirting: I think this should be a compulsory subject.Its no fun when your trying to flirt with someone and he/she doesn’t realize it. After a lot of research I have come to the conclusion that this is a problem because of lack of formal education in this field.
4) Declaration of variables and comments: I think irrespective of whether you learn differenciation/integration…really…you decide pretty young that you wanna be a s/w engineer…kids are really smart these days…. A compulsory subject should be Declaration of variables and commenting (DVC)… if you flunk this subject u aren’t allowed to the next class…. No people can really write good code but what does i and j stand for….instead of that it should be… counter_for_the_outer_loop. Well they say that there is a lot of trouble in the world because of the letter i being used in a lot of places where you can use v (WE). So whether it is a marraige, a relationship or just programming the basic rule that should be used is "STOP USING THE LETTER I". My idea is to catch them young and instead of 2+2 teach them DVC.
5) Now if you really know that your child is a genius… high birth and all that….dont worry too much about teaching him physics,latin or maths…. Teach him to handle the excel sheet and outlook… he wouldn’t go far without handling these two extremely important tools….he could actually win the noble prize and a patent if he really writes a difficult macro in excel …
6) Racial discrimination: Actually a lot of research needs to be done on this subject too…. Like chemistry you know about atoms, molecules, electronic configuration..the basic rules…however here u really need to define the rules now…. Is calling someone a monkey racial discriamination?
7) Proposing /turning down people: We in school had 1 optional subject whereby girls learned cross-stitch and house keeping and guys had value education and PE. I really think this should be replaced by the above 2. I personally got turned down just because I didn’t go down on my knees properly. And turning down is an art too….the best I have heard is…I luv u too….but I do feel the need to see other people.
8) Traffic etiquette: I think this is really important in a place like India. I think there should be a lab session too in this subject….leading to granting of licenses…
9) Effective Googling..thats something I really want my kids to learn
10) Tax computation : Sometimes u really think ppl are smart…. Hey he was in my school football team, he beat me at a few debates…then he isn’t able to compute his tax… Oh oh….So I really think this should be part of basic courses as well

So these were my top 10 subjects that should be taught in school.

Honesty Anyone?

2008-08-29T20:30:00.000-07:00

Here is what I thought about advertising honesty, encouraging people to be honest and rewarding those who are. Of course if Priety chooses to publisize these (like she does for the bravery awards) then they wouldn't require any other publicity.

The idea is to have newspaper, television or Internet advertisements having the theme “ These guys are honest (or of unquestionable integrity), are you?? “If it is a newspaper ad it would be like a calvin and hobbes comic strip with a couple of characters etc. with a few lines about the award and the trust below.

1) A petrol pump wala telling his fellow worker that he is honest because he doesn’t cheat on the zero or for a few paise.
2) A singer telling a music director that he would not sing a song because it has been lifted from a Hollywood movie (Tollywood, mollywood anything works these days)
3) Girls stop lying about their age (and weight).
4) Girls stop lying (like generally).
5) Okay guys stop being hypocrites. Even?
6) A cricketer refusing to take match- fixing money.
7) Movie stars paying income – tax.
8) Movie stars (again), well some of them owning up to have killed animals.
9) Movie stars (well you know my fav punching bags now) refusing to have affairs with co-stars just before a film release (saying its dishonest to cheat the public this way) .
10) A batsman walking when he edges the ball (not waiting for the umpires decision). I would like this guy to be sachin coz he never walks (Im pushing it with sachin fans). Naa we could have Brian Charles Lara.
11) The bike servicing wala doing more than just washing the bike (honesty here because the customer doesn’t spend the whole day checking on him).
12) People stop dying (colouring their hair black, or the original hair colour) and hair- weaving (really hitting below the belt here). I think colouring hair with a colour different from your original hair colour is like owning up to the fact that you are greying. Similarly wigs that are very obviously wigs are fine with me. I know I seem to have a whole lot of information here, but.. (touch wood).
13) Top B-school guys, or maybe your profs telling us what the hell is the criteria for shortlisting candidates. (continuing with hitting below the belt here )
14) You finance losers giving us a REAL housing loan deal for once. Real meaning.. well you guys know… no hidden costs etc
15) The HR losers being honest about CTC and other company policies while recruiting innocent freshers.(that never ever happens so it’s a benchmark for honesty).
16) A grocer giving exact weight and not mixing low quality material.
17) A conversation between a girlfriend and boyfriend where they say they will stop lying to each other (this may never happen)
18) Engineering students stop copying assignments
19) Engineers stop doing their MS abroad (integrity for country) and stop doing MBA ((integrity for profession).
20) Doctors not being hypocrites about the Hippocratic Oath. For those uninitiated the Hippocratic Oath is an oath traditionally taken by physicians pertaining to the ethical practice of medicine

If I ever had to judge who gets the award, (from the 20 nominations above) I would give it to the bald guy.

About Me

2008-08-29T20:20:00.000-07:00

This is possibly the best disclaimer that I can think of for this blog. Here is my 'About me' at a social networking site:
"Why...So...Serious?
Early life and talent:
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up.'
Work:
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to go away.
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay me to do it?
Question - Who are you and why did you (more like-- how could you possibly mess this up )? Me - I'm a programmer. And... I'm a programmer...
My programs never have bugs, they just develop random features.
I Never put off till tomorrow what I can avoid all together.
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
To save money on electricity, we've turned off the light at the end of the tunnel.(This has actually happened)
At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual
I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere
Challenges:
I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.
Social life:
A bad day at Disneyland is still better than a good day at work
Friends:
People who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
People who know me well, but like me anyway.
The worst part of having success is trying to find someone who is happy for me.
Legacy:
It Could Be that the Purpose of My Life is Only to Serve as a Warning to Others.I’d like to Keep that sense of humor; it's critical."

So this is my Weltanschauung if you like, with a little bit of humour. I sincerely hope that nobody is offended.